It'd Hardly Been a While

A collection of short stories which, when read, barely make sense.


The Rip

My clothes were entirely made from torn garments I’d ripped from commuters in crowded train carriages. I’d chortle when I overheard thirsty consumers talk in numbers, declaring how little they paid for their bargains. 


Then Again

Murder was so ugly. But then again so was he, and I simply didn’t have time for affectionate clients. 



Sometimes, I sit near affectionate couples, close my eyes, and pretend that they’re saying all the nice things to me instead. 



Although this lamp provided me with all my worldly desires, I can’t help but feel I set the bar too low. 


Good Help

It rained heavily; she stood soaked, apathetically without cover, a soggy cigarette pursed between her lips. ‘Here’ a fellow pedestrian remarked, switching out her damp supply of nicotine with a fresh stick. She remained stood, apathetically without cover. A soggy cigarette pursed between her lips. 



A municipal rise to fame had seen me garnish ‘Very Important Person’ status in my local. Nationwide I was unknown, but to the few folk I’d had no desire to mingle with, I was nally someone.